i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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