3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
