Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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