So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
