Got a toothbrush?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize