There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
