dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
