Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
