Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
