It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
