Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
