No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
