About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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