There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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