well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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