she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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