it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
