Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
