like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
