Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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