I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Houston, we have a squirter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
