this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
