My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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