I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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