True but thats because hes a fetus.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
