I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
