I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
