Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
