oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
