I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize