why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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