There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
