I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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