the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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