im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
