If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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