wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
