i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
this hospital has no fireball
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
