Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
