They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
