piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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