I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
