You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
