dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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