bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
