i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
