I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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