listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
