Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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