im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize