if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
