my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
