so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
