And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
