i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
