ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
