I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it's like iHOP with fire
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
