Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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