Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
