I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
