3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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