Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
