Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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