I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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