just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
