my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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