my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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