Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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