There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't think brook has ever known best
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize