4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
