My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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