Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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