A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
