god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
