I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
