butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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