my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize