I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
