So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
