I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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