I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
