Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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