last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
